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Boxes are for shoes

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As they say in group therapy, “Hi. My name is Kev, and I am a rubbish gay.”

I say this because I don’t fall into a box. I’m not a stereotype. I’m somewhere between a jock and a bear, with a bit of twink thrown in on special occasions. I can’t be arsed with Eurovision, rom-coms are annoying and predictable, and I’m more fashion-comatose than fashion-conscious. I’d rather order take-out than bake, or put up a shelf than accessorise. And as for anal. Meh. I can take it or leave it. No, boxes are for shoes. Or pizza. Or for ticking in an online survey, because let’s face it, we all love doing an exam where you already know the answers.

I really don’t understand why we make life harder for ourselves. I’ve enough on my plate now that Starbucks is displaying the calorie content of their drinks (seriously, a mocha is like a MEAL!), without wondering if my lack of interest in Kylie is letting the side down. Please don’t judge me because I’d rather pay the mortgage than buy the designer clothes being advertised to me. Fellow gays, quit giving me the stink-eye because my dancing involves a bit more pointing than is strictly necessary. Crack a smile on your resting bitch face because, my friend, life is too fucking short to be anything other than truly unique.

Is it just me, or is it that the more barriers we knock down between us and the heteros, the more we seem to put up between ourselves? Femme. Butch. Twink. Top. Bottom. Vers. Pos. Neg. Chubby chaser. Gym bunny. Silver Fox. Bear. Cub. Daddy. Dom. Otter. Jock. And now Twock? Jeez, it’s exhausting. Why all the boxes? Can’t we just be the ‘G’ in LGBT? Or rather I should say the ‘G’ in LGBTQIAPD, if you want to include all the words us minorities now need to describe ourselves accurately. You might as well just add an ‘S’ to that for the Straights and cover everyone. Well, why not? I know way more judgemental gays than I do straight people.

Here’s an idea. Guess what is an easier and more inclusive phrase to use than LGBTQIAPDS? What about, ‘Human’. OK, so it’ll get you less points on Words With Friends but it covers the same thing. We’re all human, and what could be more inclusive than that?

So, join me. Choose to be free! Remove the barriers, refuse the stereotype, amend your profile if you have one and take yourself out of the box you’ve put yourself into. Boxes aren’t for us anymore. They’re for shoes.

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