The topic for this post is sex positive. Now, there are all sorts of definitions out there as to what this means but I’m going to go with my own.
It simply means that sex and having sex should be a positive experience and it should enjoyable. I don’t think it’s any more sinister than this.
To me these are the attributes of having a sex positive lifestyle for anyone –
Know what you want. Whether it’s a man, a woman, and whether you are a man or a woman, you have the right to determine who you want to have sex with or make love with, for yourself, regardless of gender. No one can tell you otherwise. While it might be difficult, it is your choice. Of course sometimes society will tell you otherwise. Family might tell you otherwise. Hell, complete bloody strangers may tell you otherwise! And I would never downplay the prejudice and bigotry that people who want to be different to the norm face every single day. It’s not easy. You have to believe though in yourself, that you are not tainted, a freak or any other label people might throw your way. You are who you are.
Having sex is healthy but only if you want to. Not having sex is also good for you if that’s the way you feel. Don’t feel pressured into being sexual with anyone until you’re ready. You deserve to be able to decide when this happens.
Sex is not always the way you see in the movies or in porn films, or read about in books. Sex can be disappointing, painful and unfulfilling in the wrong circumstances, or with the wrong person. Even with the right person, it isn’t always ecstatic sex faces and mind blowing orgasms. Don’t believe that every woman gets an orgasm from penetration, that every gay man can give a blow job, that in every relationship there is a top and a bottom. Don’t believe that you should have a six pack, be a size 38DD bra size, or have a dick like an elephants. Sex is what you as a couple, or a threesome, or even a foursome, want it to be without it being idealised and compared to what you might see portrayed in the idealistic world of romance novels and television. If it feels good and you both, or all, enjoy it, that’s what counts. Don’t expect to be perfect.
The things which are definitely not sex positive. I wouldn’t ever condone sex with animals or dead bodies or under age children or a myriad of other illegal and unethical and immoral practices. We have laws in place for a good reason to ensure the protection of others, even if it is a chicken J Having said that….
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Consensual = sex positive. Kinks, BDSM, water sports, puppy play, fetishes of all types – whatever you and your consenting other/s want to do- as long as you’re all in agreement, anything could be possible. Keep it safe, consensual and of course, fun. Judging others on how they conduct their lives and in particular, sex lives, is what gets this old world of ours into trouble every day.
In short, be comfortable with you who you are, respect the people you’re in a relationship with, don’t believe you have to meet the expectations of how sex and love making is portrayed in the media of books and film and above all – have fun, enjoy yourself and let your bodies, and your emotions, do all the talking. Life is too short for regrets and we only have one of them.
© 2015 – 2022, Susan Mac Nicol. All rights reserved.