Whether your kids are becoming more independent, your career has moved forward and you have more resources available, or you’re simply considering a little brother or sister for the children you already have, deciding on the right time to grow your family takes a lot of consideration. And while every person and every family is unique, there are some standard variables –both practical and emotional – you should take the time to mull over before you make the commitment. Let’s take a look.
Does your partner feel the same way? Are you doing it for them or for you?
If you intend on raising the new baby with your spouse or partner, it’s vital that you’re on the same page, for your sake and that of the child. Open communication is so important in these kinds of situations, and if you sense any reluctance on your partner’s part, you need to be able to step into their shoes and understand why. They might be concerned over finances, or simply feel like it’s too soon – or they might actually just not want another child at all. A new baby should be something that brings you closer together, not drives a wedge between you – so compromise and understanding each other’s feelings is always the first step.
How will it affect your other child(ren)?
There are arguments both for and against a larger age gap between children. Toddlers aren’t likely to understand the potential for sibling rivalry, for example, but their older counterparts might see the new child as a threat, and as competition for your love and attention. On the other hand, it’s possible to have a meaningful conversation with them and get their take on the situation. Some children absolutely love the idea of a new baby brother or sister! Having another baby when your other children are still very young can place greater physical and mental demands on the parents, but it has benefits too – the kids being able to go to the same school together and relate better to each other, for example.
Is a ticking biological clock impacting your thinking?
If you’ve always known you want a big family, you might feel pressured to have your next child sooner rather than later if you’re concerned about your own age or that of your partner. It’s generally not recommended medically, however, that you have another baby earlier than 18 months after your previous one. Pregnancy is extremely physically demanding on a woman’s body, and you need to give yourself a decent stretch of time to recover! This is not just for your sake, but also for the baby – as children conceived less than 18 months after the previous one is more at risk of being underweight or premature. And with the amazing advances in fertility treatment being made every single year, you almost certainly don’t need to rush as much as you might think! It’s a big decision, so give yourself the time you need.
Do you remember what number one was really like?
When parents –especially moms- look back at the early days of having their first child, they have a tendency to fall into what’s known as ‘euphoric recall’. There are few things more endearing than a newborn baby – after all, we’re physically designed to love them! They smell amazing, they have those big eyes, and they’re so helpless and utterly dependent on us. If that’s the only part you’re remembering, then who would even think twice about having another?
What you might not be remembering quite so clear is the late nights, constant lack of sleep and exhaustion, incessant worry that something is wrong or your baby is getting sick, being up to your elbows in dirty diapers, snapping at your partner because you’re sleep-deprived and anxious, never having a moment’s peace to yourself… you get the drift. If you’re able to reflect rationally and admit that a new baby comes with some serious downsides too, then you’re in a much better position to make the right decision.
Consider the practicalities
Ask any parent, and they’ll tell you that raising a child is definitely not an inexpensive undertaking! It’s also a very long-term commitment, all the way from their diapers and bottles now to their college education. If your career is on track and you’re financially stable enough to make this commitment realistically, then that’s fantastic. What you don’t want to do is put the future of the children you already have in jeopardy.
The right time for you!
Most important of all, you should have a gut instinct that the time is right for you and your partner – even after you’ve considered the sacrifices that will need to be made. If you’re truly honest with yourself and each other, you’ll know when -and if- the time is right for you.
