There comes a time in relationships when we start thinking whether or not the arguments and disagreements are just natural, or a part of a bad pattern that might lead to burnouts. If the person you are with is not making you feel better about yourself and puts negative thoughts in your head, chances are that you are in a toxic relationship and should get out as soon as possible. Unfortunately, it is not easy to spot the signs of an abusive partner, and even harder to make a decision that they will not change ever. Below you will find a few tips on how to identify a negative and toxic partner.
Verbal Abuse
One of the telltale signs of a toxic relationship is when your partner has nothing nice to say to you about you and tries to drag you down by using words that hurt you. We all say silly things during an argument that we don’t mean, but if this occurring regularly, you seriously have a problem. Verbal abuse is just as harmful as physical and can kill relationships. It is hard to decide whether or not your partner is suffering from depression and mood swings, or has an abusive personality and wants to hurt you just to feel better about themselves.
Violence
Image via Marine Corps Base Camp Pendleton
If violence makes its way into your relationship, it is certainly time to walk away. You cannot accept someone to treat you with no respect, and there is no excuse for violent behavior. They might not be targeting you, and they may be regretting what they are doing regularly, but you certainly don’t have to put up with this. People express their frustration and let go of stress in different ways, but they should not violate your space and make you feel uncomfortable. If you haven’t heard about domestic violence charges yet, it might be time to start reading.
Blaming
People who have issues with themselves usually blame others. If you feel like you simply cannot do anything well, and you are being criticized all the time, chances are that your partner is suffering from self esteem issues, and are trying to feel more secure by dragging you down. Sometimes, when people put up with this behavior, a negative pattern starts and they start losing their self esteem and confidence. You mustn’t believe whatever your partner is saying about you, and take everything with a pinch of salt.
Lack of Consideration
If your needs and preferences are being ignored all the time, you should think about yourself instead of putting up with whatever is happening in your partner’s life. If they cared about you, they would certainly make the effort to please you. If you don’t learn how to communicate your needs, you will have to go with the flow and never have the life you want. That is why you should take a step back and find out whether or not there is reciprocity in your relationship. If there is nothing to look forward to, and you cannot become the best person possible, it might be time to move on.
Negative Energy
Some people simply give out negative energy and make you feel worse about themselves. You must notify the signs of negativity and deal with it. There is, however, a difference between energy vampires and people who need help. If you care about your relationship and believe that your partner is dealing with issues, give them an option to seek help and find a way out. Still, you should set your boundaries so their negativity doesn’t affect you.
Blowing Things Out of Proportion
If there is a sign that your partner is toxic, it is their attitude toward life. If they get angry and anxious over little things, and they blow things out of proportion, you will suffer and need to make an important decision. If they have a long shoutout over someone jumping the queue or cutting them up in traffic, the problem seems to be everyone else in their mind. You are likely to get the worst of it, as you spend a lot of time with them. If they lost all their connection with reality, unfortunately, there will be no way forward for the two of you.
Lack of Interest In Your Life
Image via Pixabay
If you used to be doing things together, and this doesn’t happen anymore, chances are that you will need to evaluate your relationship. A toxic relationship will hold you back from achieving your goals and make you feel less focused on what you would like to become. You might have entered the partnership with dreams and goals, but now you are too busy managing your partner’s life and getting them organized that you have no time to deal with your issues.
High Expectations
Image via Flickr
Being a perfectionist is hard enough if you are being too critical when it comes to you. If you are applying the same principles to others, you can do a lot of harm. In case your partner wants you to be the ideal person they are looking for, but they refuse to change their ways, you might need to start thinking whether or not there is a reciprocity in your relationship. What do you do for them and your relationship, and what he has to bring to the table? Think beyond material goods and money, and consider how you share chores and responsibilities.
No Equal Measures
In some cases, people will have different measures for themselves and others. This is a part of their entitlement belief and the sense of superiority. You simply don’t want to be with someone who thinks that they deserve the best and don’t owe anyone anything. You will want your partner to treat you with equal measures, and allow you to have the freedom to make your own decisions. If you are not being valued based on your unique values, you will have to move on and find someone who respects you for who you are.
Trying to Avoid Arguments All the Time
Arguments can kill relationships. If you find yourself falling out over little things, you will need to stop for a moment and figure out how you can cope. If you stop communicating and sharing what is on your mind, just because you cannot put up with arguments, you are not dealing with the problem and need to face the truth. Do you want to live the rest of your life feeling like you are walking on eggshells and watching every word you are saying? If not, you will have to make some important changes.
You Decide to Go Along with Everything
Some people will suffer so much by arguments and abuse that they would rather go along with every idea and suggestion their partner is coming up with. This will eventually result in you losing your personality and being reduced to a tool or accessory, instead of a confident and independent individual. There is always a stronger personality who leads in a relationship, but if you have no say, you will have to think about getting out.
Abusive and toxic relationships are more common than you would think. If you are suspecting that you are living with a person who is dragging you down and trying to hold you back from growing, you should make a change to choose happiness instead of putting up with bad treatment.
