There’s no getting around it; dating can be scary, nerve-wracking and down right terrifying at times. In this case, practice definitely doesn’t make perfect, though becoming a serial dater can remove some of the stress.
Ultimately, what is dating though? It’s meeting new people and seeing if you click.
So, one of the most important things to do if you want to make dating fun again is to have a change of mindset; you shouldn’t look for ‘the one‘, but instead simply enjoy people’s company and see what comes of it.
Remove the Stress Factor
Going out for dinner? Organising a romantic picnic? Talk about stress on a first date. How on earth are you going to shine through when there’s so much pressure? Save these types of dates for later and concentrate on seeing if there’s a ‘click‘ first.
Coffee dates are ideal; they’re casual, low key and can easily be extended (or shortened) if needed. If you’re serious about finding someone, it’s wise to avoid alcohol on a first date too; opt for an afternoon date instead.
Lower Your Expectations
Most people you go on a first date with are not going to come even near to being ‘the one‘ so you shouldn’t expect him be marriage material. In my experience (and I dated A LOT) you’ll meet loads of ‘nice’ people; they’ll fall into the friendzone and nothing more; unless you’re looking for some extra action, of course. Most people who’ve actually agreed to a date are genuinely decent people. If they’re happy to meet you for coffee, it’s a good bet they’re not a total player just wanting a shag; most of these guys will stop IM’ing you as soon as they realise that’s not what you’re up for. Even if they ARE these kind of people, as long as you don’t put out after your coffee date you’ll quickly be able to tell; they’ll quickly disappear from your radar as they move onto someone else.
There’s No Such Thing as a Failed Date
So, you’ve spent a couple of hours having coffee with someone new. You liked them…well that’s a good start right there. You can’t think badly of a short afternoon having a drink with a nice chap.
Now comes the crunch; if they’re not into you, does it matter? No! In the grand scheme of life, the chances are they may well not be into you. But what have you lost? Nothing. In fact, you’re one step closer to finding Mr Right because you can cross this one off the list. If it’s a bad date, you’ve got a funny/bitchy story to tell your friends. If it’s a good date, you’ve spent an afternoon with a potential new friend and if it’s a great date…well, maybe love is on the cards.
Mostly, if you want to enjoy dating again, remove the stress and the high expectations. To find the right guy, you’ve got to be relaxed, and to do that needs the fun element. So stop desperately looking for Mr Right and simply start enjoying life; before you know your dates will begin to sizzle.
You can check out Geoff Wakeling‘s books on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/A.-Lusch/e/B00EB6OWSU/