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Musings of a Single Man by Warren Joseph Allen

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Warren is a 23-year-old lad,born and raised in Leicester, England. He’s a very laid back, yet fun loving, kind of guy who lists “laughing” as one of his favourite things to do.

 

Currently he works as an accountant in industry by day, for a software development company. But, in the evenings loves nothing more than shedding the layers and taking to the pole!

He was feeling a little whimsical and introspective one day and decided to write this for Divine. Of course we thought it was great and deserved some space on the site. Because I’m sure all of us have felt like this at some time.

So let me introduce Warren Joseph Allen – number cruncher by day, and pole dancer by night….and web designer extraordinaire as well. _____________________________________________________________________

 

Warren Joseph Allen

I’m not a needy person, not by any stretch of the imagination. I don’t get lonely, depressed or wallow. Even when I’m alone for days at a time I’d go as far as to say I bask in the glory of solitude. I love being on my own. It makes me a pretty low maintenance kind of guy; independent, proud and self-reliant. Kind of like a pet rock, but with nicer hair.

From the age of around ten or eleven I began to learn to rely on myself and only a very select few people. My life experiences have made me somewhat of an emotional hard-ass, these have proven to be somewhat of a blessing… But lately they’ve become a little more burdensome. 

Recently I found myself feeling a niggling sense of emptiness. Not in the sense of “OMG, I’m so alone!” or “I hate the world” – A bit more “Hmm, I feel ok, but there’s something missing from my life”.

I have a great family and, although half of them aren’t really worth the air they breathe, most of them are wonderful. I have a decent job that I (mostly) enjoy. I have my own space; it’s not much but it’s mine. I have a stupendous best friend, Laura. She can be pretentious and superficial, but she lets me choose her clothes and shoes, so I love her anyway.

So what, I pondered, could I need? Was I being greedy? Ungrateful? Was all of this amazing stuff that I already had not enough for me? Or was it something else? I thought about it for a while. I’m good at that – thinking. It’s one of my favourite things to do. And then I realised – I need a partner. I *want* a partner. A male version of Laura would be perfect (scientists, take note). Someone to really connect with. Someone who knows what you’re feeling before you even know it yourself. The person that even when you’ve had a crappy day and just want the world to disappear, smiles at you, and changes your entire mood. Well, maybe I’ve taken it too far, but you get the idea? I should probably throw in that amazing sex would also go very nicely in to the mix.

The problem? Well, it’s compounded. Firstly, I do not connect easily with people. Emotional hard-ass, remember? On a superficial level, I’m fine. I have many an acquaintance. But people I would actually consider my “friends”, not so much. How am I supposed to really synchronise myself with another person if I can’t even get as far as letting my guard down? Secondly, I’m gay. That cuts my pool of potential soul mates to around (according to the ONS) 1.5-2% of the country. Oh shit. So, I’m doomed to forever wander the earth alone, right?

Wrong.

I don’t wander. I’m far too lazy for that, and definitely not brave enough to venture out without a plan! But seriously, these things can’t be rushed. So, I’ve worked out why I’m feeling the way I do. That doesn’t mean I need to immediately go out and try to marry the next guy that shows me the slightest bit of interest. It means that I now have a better, deeper understanding of myself. That’s something that I’d say is a huge advantage.

I see so many gay men getting into, and coming out of, relationships so often. Their relationship status changes more often than their favourite Lady Gaga song. What is this madness? I think what I’m trying to say, in a not very sensitive way, is that you don’t need to have a partner to feel validated. It’s clear that I’m not alone. There are many people that are in the same situation as me. It’s a comfort knowing that.

Sure, our chances of finding the ideal relationship are greatly reduced in comparison to straight folk, but that doesn’t mean that it won’t happen. You can’t rush a relationship, and if you do, it’s almost sure to come back and bite you in the ass… But not in the nice way.

So, here the words of wisdom, folks. Work out what you want. Know your expectations. Know the reality of your circumstances and understand yourself. I’m not a needy person and I enjoy being alone, but I know when the right person comes along, when the time is right, that I will come to need them. I will miss them when I am alone. It might not happen for years to come, but I know after my period of self-reflection, that I’ll be ready for it.

 

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