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I love my cell phone! by M.A. Church

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Ah, the simple life. Poor little me grew up in the age of no cellphones, pagers, computers, or ATM cards. There were no such things as Facebook, Twitter, and Snapchat. We had basic TV and libraries. I know, I know. The Dark Ages. To find out what was going on in the rest of the world, we waited until the five o’clock news. I actually remember when there were only seven to eight stations to choose from, lol. If we wanted to talk to our friends, we had to go outside and find them (the horror) or call from a landline.

Then, in the eighties, the first cell phone was invented.

By the late nineties, cell phones were accessible and fairly inexpensive. Pish! I resisted. Sneered. Didn’t want to have anything to do with that. Okay, when the kids hit fourth grade and no longer were at my school, I gave in. They might need to get a hold of me. (Yes, their teacher could call, but I well remember a bomb threat at their school and both called me at mine.) Then there were safety reasons. What if I had car trouble and the kids were with me?

Resistance is futile. Somehow, I went from just using it for emergencies to totally addicted to my phone. Now we can all talk, message, send emails, get on the internet, take pictures, check in on Facebook, go on Twitter, get LinkedIn, Facetime, play games, balance accounts, get directions, write a blog, find deals on craigslist, watch the news, download music, find recipes on Pinterest, check our calendar, set alarms, and if that’s not enough, some of us have a companion named Siri we talk to…. All on one little machine called a cell phone.

Then… AutoCorrect took over our lives and hilarity ensued. It even got me too—as my kids can attest. *Grin* Gotta love AutoCorrect.

Clay McDonald finds the perfect car on Craigslist and is quick to send the seller a text:

Is your penis still for sale?


AutoCorrect strikes again. Damn—he should’ve proofread. How embarrassing.

Luckily Darrell Anderson, a mechanic and the owner of the Prius, is more amused than offended, and the two men agree to meet. When they do, the attraction is instant, and a date is arranged. But a series of mishaps, misunderstandings, and misplaced assumptions sorely test the new relationship.


In a contemporary romantic comedy about the perils of technology and dating in the modern world, a text that went so wrong might just lead to something so right—but only if Clay can refrain from jumping to conclusions and give love the benefit of the doubt.



“Okay, as I was saying…. I picked up a new cell phone, right? This one is totally different from what I had before.”

“Yes, I remember. I was there. You griped a good twenty minutes about it.”

“Did not. It was no more than ten at the most,” Clay said.

“Twenty was a conservative estimate. It was probably more like thirty.”

“You never did have any concept of time. Anyway, remember that it’s totally different from my old phone. Well, I decided to get on the internet and saw a listing on Craigslist about a Prius. I wasn’t thinking, and instead of calling the number, I sent a text.” He hated talking on the phone but ended up doing a lot of it for his job. “Well, let me tell you, I’ll be proofreading my texts from now on.”

Sonny was quiet for a few seconds, then laughed. “What did you do?”

“Well, I thought I sent a text saying I saw he had a Prius for sale, and was it still available. Then hot on the heels of that text, I sent another one saying I’d like to come over and take it for a test drive that night.”


“Fucking AutoCorrect changed Prius to penis.”

“Oh my….” Sonny snorted, gasped, and then coughed.

Clay rolled his eyes and settled back on the couch. He knew what was coming.

“Oh my….” Sonny howled. “Oh shit! Oh my God! Seriously? Shit!”

“I basically asked the guy if his penis was for sale, then said I wanted to come over and take it for a test drive.”


M.A. Church is a true Southern belle who spent many years in the elementary education sector. Now she spends her days lost in fantasy worlds, arguing with hardheaded aliens on far-off planets, herding her numerous shifters, or trying to tempt her country boys away from their fishing poles. It’s a full time job, but hey, someone’s gotta do it!

When not writing, she’s on the back porch tending to the demanding wildlife around the pond in the backyard. The ducks are very outspoken. She’s married to her high school sweetheart, and they have two grown children.

She is a member of Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America.

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