When we get married, we hope that it will last forever and that we’re going to grow old together. Sadly, it isn’t always the case, and even the greatest love stories sometimes have bitter endings. People decide to get a divorce for a variety of reasons, but the result is the same: two individuals take different paths after being on the same path for some time. Letting go of your past can be tough, but it’s not impossible, and we give you a list of ways to move on after getting a divorce.
The time to grieve
A divorce is a long and tough process and it always involves multiple losses: you lose a spouse, a relationship, a role in your family, and some material things as well. There are different stages we can go through before we accept the reality, and giving yourself enough time to do so is crucial. When you talk about your feelings, you are speeding the process a bit and making the situation a bit easier for yourself. Nobody expects you to bounce back over the weekend and be your old, cheerful self. Review and reflect on things, and remember the loss – it will help you regain strength.
Letting go of memorabilia
Until you file for divorce you don’t even pay attention to the things that reflect your marriage and relationship: small gifts, wedding photos, engagement and wedding rings… Every little detail becomes significant and important overnight and all of these things take up not only physical but emotional space too. You don’t have to throw everything out, but when you purge these items (or most of them) from your living space, you’ll feel liberated, and you’ll have more space for making new memories and finding new things.
Even if you and your ex agree to a divorce easily, there are still legal matters to discuss. Custody over children and pets, who gets the house and who gets the car…? All of these things might seem irrelevant in the beginning, but they’re very important, and it would be a good idea to hire specialist. Hiring a team of experienced lawyers like Doolan Wagner family lawyers is a smart choice since professionals like them will do everything in their power to help you and provide you with great advice. A quality legal advice is a good idea even if you don’t go to court, and when you know that you have someone experienced by your side, you won’t be as worried and scared.
Build a support system
In order to recover faster after a divorce, you need to know that you can rely on others. A trustworthy support system of friends, family, neighbors, co-workers, and relatives who will be there for you when you’re going through a tough time means a world. You can also join a support group in your local church, start going to therapy or group therapy, and establish a safe space where you can talk freely and openly about your feelings.
Making lists is a good way to face the facts: the costs of holding on to the past, what your life would be like if you were to let go of the said past and all the pain, the pros and cons of your marriage and divorce… Lists will help you see your situation in a different light, and you can even make a list of things you should do in order to let go of the past for good. You might not be able to do everything overnight, but you’ll get there slowly.
Focus on yourself
Divorces are stressful, and you should stop focusing on the stress so much, and instead start focusing on yourself. You should find new ways to love yourself and find an activity that makes you feel good: yoga, dance class, book club, or wine tasting tours. Things that make you relax are great for you, and new hobbies will make you feel better and allow you to take control of your life once more.
No matter what reason the two of you had for drifting apart, dwelling on the past will do you no good. You will only lose precious moments in the present and you won’t be able to get them back. Allow yourself to grieve for a while but don’t focus on what’s long gone, and instead, embrace the present and face the future bravely. This attitude will help you let go of negativity and bring in positive changes instead.
This post was written by Leila Dorari – Freelance writer from Sydney. Passionate about self-growth through travel, cheap deals and living better lives by exploring as much of what Earth has to offer as possible.